Tonight I had a car accident. I am fine, my car will be ok, but the anxiety of the event may take longer to heal. The accident wasn't my fault, but I was the one that did the hitting due to failure to yield the right of way. The guy I hit was a teenager, maybe early 20's. He got out of his car and I asked if he was ok and he was immediately super aggressive. This of course sent my dysphoria through the roof. I called the cops and then waited. I waited shivering from the cold and fretting the pending interaction with the officer. I knew he was going to run my license and get a report back. Age 33, Caucasian.... Female :-( All I could think about was that. Not worried about my car. Just afraid of the super aggressive guy I hit and the officer being unkind. The cop got there. He was pissed! Apparently 2 accidents happened at one time in the same place. He got out of his car yelling. This didn't help my anxiety about the matter. Then the officer took my info. I stood at the car. Thinking "This guy has had my license forever. He is probably going to give me a hard time." Turns out the officer did no such thing. Gave me my info back and the case number and sent me on my way.
I am still a mess. The panic and anxiety and fear were a lot more than I was prepared to deal with tonight. All I can think is. I need to work out more. I need to be stronger and not feel like I can't protect myself if someone comes at me. I just keep beating myself up for feeling weak. I hate that feeling.
I am sorry there is no resolve in this story. I simply cannot tonight. Hoping tomorrow is better!
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