You ask for the truth, but you know you could do so much better
And you sat on your fences, you screamed no retreat
So what will your legacy be?" Writer(s): William Michael Grubbs
War Sweater by Wakey! Wakey!
I have written about how my transition was a matter of personal conviction. I have had moments along the way, that confirmed my Spiritual Journey, to live a honest and genuine life. I also have experienced personal condemnation from those who claim to be followers of Jesus.
I have been spending a great deal of time reading recently. I just completed a book by a Transgender Man called "A Guide to Recovering from Fundamentalism" You Can Click this Link to get a free digital copy.
I have always struggled with some of the theology that I was raised with. I have spent a lot of time in the word, and I just don't feel like some of the things I was raised to believe are what was being said in those passages. I think sometimes we twist the truth to make it less scary, or we glaze over it until it is convenient, and then we don't put in the time to find out what it says, we just hang with whoever seems to know, and we just roll with that.
I have always been able to stand my ground in conversations on biblical text. I know for a fact, that is why some of my most conservative friends are struggle so hard to understand my transition. I try to remember that their conflict is not my conflict, and I leave them to "Work Out their religion" for themselves.
Recently, I have been doing some work of my own. Right now, there are some people spewing hatred in the name of Christ, and I don't believe that the love of Christ calls us to stigmatize, and belittle those who are not like us. The bible teaches "we will know they are Christians by their fruits". It teaches us to "Judge Not lest we be judged in like manor" It teaches in James 1:27 "Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained [a]by the world." Further more, the bible teaches "Whatever you do for the least of these, you have done for Me"
You see I must confess. I struggle to love these people. I love Jesus, but I am not with this group of people, who are pushing transgender people out of bathrooms, and shaming gay people, or rejecting the refugees who are seeking a new life in our country.
Yet through my struggles, I have found peace, and affirmation in the scripture, that are helping me through my transition, and helping me to learn to love like Christ.
You might remember. I told you the story of the butterfly, and how it must struggle to transition, or it will die. I remember this being the first time, I had seen my transition, mimicked in God's creation. You see, I do not believe God made a mistake. I believe He created me to be the transgender man that I am. I have been given the gift of life experiences that make me a stronger man, and a spirited feminist, and a radically Christian.
I mentioned this book I have been reading! I was blown away, when the Fr.Shannon Kearns talked about his time in seminary. He was in a class and all the sudden, Fr.Shannon found himself in the scriptures. When you are trans, one of the most common questions you get asked, is "What about surgery? Did you have surgery?" The text they were covering in Fr.Shannon's class was about 'Doubting Thomas" and how Jesus had to show Thomas the scars in His hands and feet. Through transition, many of us encounter doubters. We encounter people who don't understand our journey, and need some sort of proof that we are the man or women we say we are. In society, gender confirmation surge is that proof.
My heart literally jumped with joy. For "To Know Christ and His suffering" is applicable to me current place in life. I encourage you (If you are a bible reader) to spend some time in Philippians 3 & 4.
As I spoke with my counselor the other night, I told him I am have a lot of mixed feelings about a close relative (Who is currently not in good health). You see my relationship with this person disintegrated a long long time ago. That is kind of a long painful story, but at the end. I was disowned. As I relived that memory, I told my counselor, that despite the fact that this person had literally treated me like garbage that could be thrown away, I still feel bad for this person in their current condition. Society would tell me not to care for them, because they didn't love me. But in my heart, I do love them deeply, and I do not wish for them to suffer. No matter how I was treated, I still care. My counselor reminded me of the life of Christ. He said "Think about Jesus, He knew the truth and was here to save the hearts of man, and all they wanted was to hang Him on a cross." This brought me to tears!
There are a lot of Christians who don't believe that you can be Transgender and Christian, or gay and Christian. But iI don't believe that for a second. The bible has tons of references to the triality of God being both man, God and Holy Spirit. IF man was created in His image, then why wouldn't gender be a spectrum, where you might fall somewhere between extreme binaries? BOOM! I know I just dropped a theology truth bomb for some of yall.
I say all of this to say, that I serve a God that is really big. He created galaxies, and puffins, and flying monkeys, beautiful summer days and fire ants. For a moment, lets stop wearing our religion like a "war sweater" and take some time to wrap our heads around just how BIG and inclusive and mysterious and powerful of a God we claim. For I believe if you challenge yourself just for a minute, you might be surprised at the truth you will find, and the Peace and Grace that is beyond all understanding will remove your fear of people you don't understand, and are different than you. It will help you to find love and grace as primary emotions, instead of anger and fear.
I know I have been all over the place tonight, but just know, that God is doing a work, and I hope this encourages you on whatever journey you are on. May the narrow road always lead you to a deeper understanding of who you are and who Christ created you to be.
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