Give me a Ring

I have a lot of thoughts and feelings in regards to rings.

They are symbols of something never ending. They have no beginning and no end. In as much symbolism is given to the ring itself in its shape and design, an additional level is added to that meaning by which finger you wear that ring on.

I have been giving this some thought lately. I just purchased a new ring. It is a metallic/iridescent gay pride ring. There was a period of time when I wasn't out, or proud.  There was a deep sadness inside me. I so desperately wanted to not live in the shadows. I spent a lot of time entertaining people, trying to distract them from looking too closely. I feared my truth would be revealed. I would be exposed as a transgender man, a pan-sexual, a gender queer person.

I guess all of this is to tell you I am not that man anymore. I am out and proud! Sometimes I keep my gender identity or sexual orientation private for safety reasons. There is a lot of hate in this world.

This ring I am wearing on my left middle finger. I am told the middle finger represents strength. This is the first ring I have worn in a while.

I used to wear a ring my ex gave me. I still love it, but much like that relationship that ring doesn't fit anymore. I worried about rings a lot in that relationship. Promise ring didn't fit. Ring I was wearing in the interim broke. (Literally indestructible metal, split right in half) Then she and I gave each other rings that had meaning to us. After that I worried about how I was going to afford a wedding ring. I would have married her before, but she made it clear that the ring was important. 2 wks before we broke up, I almost bought her a ring. Guess it all happens for a reason. But this experience left me with a scorched earth feeling about rings.

But as I move forward, I am working Very hard to be the kind of person I would want to marry. Be bold, confident, brave, humble and kind. There is that Old adage that says "You can't attract the things that you lack"

I take this to mean, that I need to be satisfied with me, before I will ever be satisfied with me and someone else.

So each day I push! I pray for Grace, pray for strength. I do things outside my comfort zone, and I work to be a better me. Today I am proud to be me! It is a humble pride that proclaims "I am not hiding anything from you anymore. This is me! If you don't like it, it's ok. I have support and I am at peace. Your unease is your problem"