I have been thinking a lot. I feel like being alone with my thoughts is the best way I can deal with things for now. I was telling a friend that I can't tell if I am having a breakthrough or a breakdown. He said you can't have one without the other.
So here is what I have been thinking. I have been asking myself some hard questions. Things like
*What do I expect, want and need from my transition?
*How can I be happy and healthy both physically and emotionally?
*Is my Transition helping me to accept and embrace who I am?
*Will I ever feel truly normal?
Also, a new friend of mine helped me to see... In my previous relationship I tried to genuinely put my transition aside in order to keep the person I loved. But I see now that I was being unfair. By saying I wouldn't change for her, I was putting the pressure of our success of our relationship on her. I honestly didn't mean too. I actually was trying to make a grand gesture, because I loved her so much I wanted her to know how much I was willing to give to stay together and make our relationship work.
I am learning so much from the wonderful people God has put in my life to speak sometimes harsh honest truth. But I am humbled and grateful for the tough love.
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