Word play is this thing that rattles around in my mind. Witty dialogue is my way of interjecting meaning, and provoking thought.
I haven't written much lately. Not for lack of trying, but the inner critic, and self editor is one of my own personal demons. I find myself feeling extremely taxed emotionally. I have learned a lot about the psychology of oppression. The oppressed is treated like less than human, and the opresser turns the tables to make the opressed feel guilty and ashamed. I spend a lot of time being self aware. Often I am afraid to trust my own feelings. Am I in the wrong and don't see it? Are my feelings of being targeted real?
A couple weeks ago, I was written up because my picture was voluntarily put up on most of the desk of my employees. I gave them as gifts. That is the short version of the story. I will spare you the details. It was all very petty and dumb.
What makes me most upset in this particular case, is that I extended trust to someone, who I knew was vehemently against my existence. I ignored the signs of a person whose integrity was not on par. I knew there was arrogance. I heard the subtext of manipulation that was used to get things done. Sadly, I relied on protections that were recently removed.
The repeal of protection for Transgender people in the workplace has quickly given license to those who appose my existence, to act in spite without consequence. Or so they think.... But there will be a day of reconning. Not by my hands, for I am neither qualified to be judge or jury, but you get back what you put out.
While I wish to run far far away, I pray for a clear direction to run. A safe haven to escape too. I pray for a true Oasis, and no more mirages.
But for now... I will drudge on! Trying to rid myself of the burden of others self hatred, and whatever other issue they try to project on me. My self worth is not defined by anyone else but me and my maker.
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