Lot Going On Inside My Head

The last few weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions! Some good, some bad, some yet to be determined.

My parents have made such great strides in being the support system that I need and have desperately wanted through this transition. I am overjoyed at the change and growth that I have seen from them. Love my Mom and Dad so much.

Found out this last week that the wait list for the surgeon I was going to see is a year and 3 months. I am feeling a bit defeated about that. My anxiety about having surgery out of town and needing help and support is a huge stress.

My ex has literally run me through the gauntlet, and in the meantime exhausted my financial resources. While I still care for her deeply, I want no part of being her safe punching bag. I have had to be strong for both of us, since she is in no place to manage her feelings. The whole situation makes me sad and frustrated and at time bewildered... In her mind I am still madly in love, and want to talk to her. The Truth is, I just want her to be happy, and to stop trying to make me the target she projects her hurt and anger on. We broke up because I ended it. I didn't want to hinder her personal growth or mine. We both needed to figure ourselves out...

My job has taken some strange turns. I am applying for a CEO position, and while it is a long shot, there is a level of intimidation that comes from the confidence it takes to apply for that job. My uppers have taken (what I feel like) some below the belt shots. It feels like they are trying to knock me down a peg. I presume from their actions this is stemmed from their own insecurities and has nothing to do with me. However! Lol Little do they know, I almost punted my dick across a room full of every person at my place of work. My level of ability, to handle my emotions, is far beyond what any of them could imagine. I don't flinch easily!

I am taking things, one day at a time. Working to keep being a better me every day. Striving to not get tangled in other peoples emotional hang ups. It takes a great deal of work to not only be self aware, but to be able to see people for who they truly are.

The work is never done! Growing, and changing and striving to be emotionally strong. Not letting anger and pain and frustration hold you back. But I'm so much stronger than I ever thought I could be.